Taylor is sure she will die of shame when Don and Glenda enter a parent’s talent quest at her school. Not one to back away from a challenge, Taylor drags Hector along on a crusade to prove via DNA analysis that Don and Glenda are in fact not her parents, and therefore can’t enter the talent quest. But as the time of the performance draws ever closer, Taylor is forced to prepare herself for humiliation, until she is granted an extraordinary last-minute reprieve…
[first lines] Taylor: In exactly one minute, my life will end.
Taylor: Why can't my Mum be like everyone else's? I mean... Why can't she be a nurse?... or a teacher?... or a nursing teacher?... somewhere in Africa.
Taylor: I know what you're thinking: my life is seriously bad, eh? But it gets worse... much worse. See that big canary over there in the red undies? Well, that's my Dad...
Taylor: Dad, why're you dressed like that? Don Fry: Well, it's underpants awareness day. I'm launching a global celebration of underpants. Taylor: There's a reason why they're called *under*pants.
Taylor: If I was to ask you something important, would you tell me the truth? Layla: No. Taylor: Was I adopted? Layla: No, Taylor, you weren't adopted. You were constructed from Play-Do, that's why you're so brainless... and ugly. Taylor: [speaking to Hector] No way I'm related to that thing.
Taylor Fry: Oh, in case you're wondering: "Layla" is an ancient Gaelic name, for boy magnet. Whereas my name, "Taylor Fry", is old Norse for [scoffs twice] Taylor Fry: bony fish dish.
[Talking about Taylor's parents] Taylor Fry: Tell me they can't be doing this to me. Hector: They're doing this to you.
Taylor Fry: This can't be happening.
Taylor Fry: Leon. Leon: What? Taylor Fry: I have to explain. It's about my parents. [pause, thinking hard] Taylor Fry: See, my Dad has this brain injury. It makes him do things. Behave like a lunatic. [pause, thinking hard again] Taylor Fry: And Mum hasn't been the same since the tree fell on her. Leon: [not really listening] Yeah? Taylor Fry: It took six chain saws to get her out.
Taylor Fry: So this is it. This is how my life will end. The cause of death: Public humiliation. Could the death of Taylor Fry have been prevented? [changing her voice] Taylor Fry: I'm afraid not, your honour. The victim's mother wore a midriff top. She belly-danced... in front of the whole school.
Taylor Fry: [introducing Brittany to the audience] That's Brittany. She's practically perfect. Perfect teeth. Perfect nose. Perfect eyes... even her parents are perfect.
Taylor Fry: Did I mention Brittany's house is perfect, too. And guess what? It just so happens to be right next door to mine.
[last lines] Taylor Fry: [to Hector, about Leon] Don't you hate it, when a person you really really like just thinks you're a dork?
Taylor Fry: [speaking to Skinny Vinny, the greyhound] So, uh... been in the racing game long? [upon looking through the Fry family's photo album] Hector: Your hair looks great in that picture. Glenda Fry: That's Don.